Warning:
The following "canned Bread"- Story has really happend and may disturb some of you folks.

My little story I would like to tell you played in a land far far away from amerika, I guess it was 2 or 3 years ago on a saturday morning. Oh, what a beautiful morning that was. The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the air was filled with the most yummiest smells of fresh bakery products you can imagine. "Oh, the old lady from upstairs is making bread again", I thought to myself. I started to get hungry.

I jumped out of the bed and after a quick shower I decided to get myself some nice warm bread from the nearby bakery store. But, oh darn it, it was closed. A little piece of paper in the window said that the bakery crew is on vacation. Oh great. What to do now?

After I got home, I found my girlfriend standing infront of the fridge.

"Good Morning Honey", I said.
"Hey, Good Morning", she said. "So, wheres the Breakfast"
"The bakery is closed today", I explained to her.
"Hm , well...it´s not that bad" ,she said. " I bought this canned bread two days ago. My mother told my to try it."

Great, her mother told her to try it. Wonderful ! 2 Weeks ago, her mother also told her not to shave her armpits anymore. "Keep it natural". Brr... buts thats another story.

Anyway, I decided to give this canned thingy a try. 15 Minutes later, my Girlfriend and I where sitting in front of the oven, watching the bread can getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And then, the magic happened. The can exploded with a big "BANG". Pretty impressive, except the fact that my scared Girlfriend jumped backwards and nearly knocked me out with the back of her head.

What a wonderful saturday morning that was, the sun was shining, the sky was blue, I was sitting infront of the washbasin with a bleeding nose and the canned bread tasted like warm dogshit.

So guys. Stay the hell away from canned bread. It ruined my perfect saturday morning and it tastes like horsepoo. Eat toast instead, or a tomato, or a watermelon, or anything else that is not in a metal can. But if you do so, please, do me a favour. Keep your girl away from it.

Thank you for reading this little safety instruction and good luck.
Canned bread will kill us all. MARK MY WORDS !

Feel free to leave some comments and please excuse my bad english/grammar.

Oh yeah, by the way:
Wacken f*cking rocks ! I was a part of it ! Metal till we die !